Heidi

They say that our parents shape us into the adults that we will someday be . Well with my mother I can not blame her for the way I turned out nor can I give her credit in the “shaping”. My mother was born Heidi Deanna Chance to Miriam Chennault and Rex Gilbert Chance on January 3rd 1971. She was one of seven … so far . Now, I love my Grandmother , god rest her soul, but my grandmother had 4 husbands and my mother was the second youngest of the bunch . From the information I have gathered about Rex from various sources ; Ancestry.com, my grandmothers testimony and other family members impressions ,paint a very grim picture of the guy. Legend has it … my grandmother met Rex at a Honky Tonk some time in the late 1960’s. He was a drinker and a truck driver . Ironically enough we both share the same taste for Jack Daniels Whiskey . Rex was an abusive fellow , he shoved my grandmothers head into the drywall while she was pregnant with my mother. That soon followed with a severe ass whooping from my uncles who were in their 20’s at the time . The abuse hit a head so to speak when my mother was 4 years old … Rex hit my grandmother for the last time . She grabbed a shotgun off the wall pointed it at Rex and said ,” You touch me or my kids again and I will shoot your head off !” . Needless to say he was gone . Than my grandma started working at the Shipyard in Bremerton sometime in the mid 1970’s. There she met my Papa , he raised my Mother as his own and they had my uncle in 1979. They started their home in Longbranch Wa , if you do not know where that is … that is ok most people do not . Longbranch is a community way out on the Key Peninsula … or the “sticks” . My mother grew up riding horses she was a barrel racer, rocker type. I feel like she always knew she was bound to end up in the spotlight someday . Growing up our family did not have much money my grandma sewed my mothers clothes and they made due with what they had . One day when my mom was in High School she was riding her horse Tracer and some girls jumped her off her horse onto the ground ; beating her and cutting her hair because they were jealous she attracted some boy they liked. Around 1985 she met Keith , who would become my biological father . They were inseparable, they partied together rode dirt bikes together than eventually in the winter of 1990 they had me . They were married in the Kitsap County Court house ( I was there ) my mom was 5 months pregnant with me at the time . I remember her saying how mad she was that she had to have a court house wedding . I do not care how much I love someone , if I do not get the wedding of my dreams I’m not going ! Call me basic but I deserve it . Of course the marriage fell apart and we moved to San Jose California when I was 4. My parents were not ready to be parents , I was dumped at everybody’s house and I mean everybody but mostly both sides of Grandparents . My mother started stripping for a living , and when she decided she wanted me we lived in motel to motel . My bedroom was the complimentary closet provided with my blanket a pillow and the company of the McDonalds Happy Meal Halloween toys . That may be the reason I have such a fondness for the macabre . My day care was the back room of the Brass Rail strip club in Sunnyvale Ca. While my mom was onstage I was entertained by Biker Bouncers who gave me Shirley Temple sodas because I looked like Shirley Temple incarnate . I recently visited my old Kinder daycare to thank the men who looked after me 20 years prior. There I was “ Porsche’s daughter”and told how much I look like her . Now to the sad part of the story …. Things got so bad in Cali that I basically ran away to Washington to fully meet my father when I was 11. Mom followed and eventually took her own life within weeks of being back in Washington . She hung herself from the rafters of my grandparents garage , coroner ruled it a suicide than moved on ….At 11 years old I was in a new state, school and household with no mother and no sense of belonging . I guess 11 years old is when I became an adult , there is no childhood after that .